Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
