you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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