is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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