tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You are a genius and a whore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
