You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
