Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
