Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
