ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
