Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
