Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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