they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
