i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
