Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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