This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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