im about as happy as oj after his trial
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
