If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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