I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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