I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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