I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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