I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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