When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
