Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
