You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My cat gives me a boner
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
