I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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