i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
