Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
