Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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