There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
