the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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