May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
