And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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