Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
