FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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