dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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