And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
