Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
