Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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