Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
