its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
