her vagine was all disorganized.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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