still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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