had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
