Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
