Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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