His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
