I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
