Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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