My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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