How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
