the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My penis needs a shock collar
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
