Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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