So drunk, too bad you don't want this
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
