He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize