when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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