as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
