IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
