Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
