Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
