This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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