and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize