hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
