Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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