I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
