my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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