I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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