He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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