Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
